My childhood was not such a bad thing....I had a mom and dad in my life, although they were divorced when I was 2 years old. I saw my dad on a regular basis up until I was 15 and started working. I lived in a house, in a good neighborhood in a suburb. I was constantly out playing in the neighborhood with the kids, I had boyfriends as I got older and even got engaged when I was in my first year of college with my high school sweat heart. I look at pictures of me back than and now think that I had an amazing body and would love to be there again, unlike how I felt back than.
I was in college, 18 years old. My boyfriend was in college in PA, our first time apart from each other. We worked on it and it was going well so the next step was to become engaged and start planning the wedding, I was on cloud nine. My fiance decided he wanted to move back to NH and go to college with me, life was even better. As time went on, he decided that college wasn't his thing and moved to IL to live with his parents and work out there. PA was a hard enough time away from each other but we survived because it was literally a drive to see each other, IL on the other had a lot harder to see each other so relying on phone calls and emails was the way we lived. To make a long story short things became distant between us and I later learned that he was cheating on me. My heart was broken, literally felt like I was dying inside. I turned to food for comfort and gained quite a bit of weight and this is where it really started.
As time has gone on in my life I had many more heartbreaks and more devastation in my life. I became so unconfident with myself. I was out one night with a good friend, definitely not out there looking for a guy to be in my life. As the night went on, my friend had found a guy she was interested in and he just happened to have a friend. I didn't get a long with the friend, even when they came back to her apartment the friend and I sat on opposite sides of the room and didn't talk. As time had passed we were basically forced to talk to each other and seemed to hit it off. We spent every day together after I got out of work. He would call every day and send text messages. I was caught up in the attention he was giving and amazed that I found a good guy again. We started dating and lets just say when it was good it was good....but when lies were told and promises were broken it was bad. I was already unconfident at this time and when bad came I became more and more unconfident, I stuck around thinking that this would change or I was just making things up in my head or that it was okay I deserved it or things would go from bad to really good again and the bad was forgotten. I now know that the above is 100% wrong and that I deserve the best.
As I spent time with the friend, my now boyfriend, I started turning into a completely different person, not a place I ever want to visit again as it wasn't a good person to be. I eventually found out I was pregnant, a complete accident but wouldn't change it for the world. This surprise information is what pulled me out of the lifestyle I was previously living and made me grow up, I am grateful. I decided to keep the baby and become a mom. My boyfriend continued in his ways and his lifestyle of alcohol, drugs and other ladies. I spent many nights being left alone or ignored. I spent part of my pregnancy vising my boyfriend in jail, because with his actions this is where he landed. I cried daily. I was miserable and couldn't enjoy my pregnancy, but I stuck with my boyfriend thru all the pain and heartache I went thru. 4 weeks early I went into labor and had a 5lb 6oz baby boy, the happiest day of my life. I was left at the hospital by my boyfriend and ended up having to have my sister in law drive 45 minutes down to pick me up. My boyfriend was MIA for 3 days and I still let him back in when he decided to show up. I was trying to keep my family together. I thought that maybe since my boyfriend had a family he would instantly grow up and things would change.....I was wrong. 1 year later I decided to leave my son's father and stop going thru the heartache and depression I was constantly going thru. I wanted more for my son and didn't want him to have to go thru all the lies and broken promises I had to go thru. At first I was eating very little and later turned to food as a comfort, which is how I got to where I am today.
I want to be a healthier person not only for myself, but for my son as well. I want to be able to be more active with him and have more fun. I want to be healthier for myself. I got the Wii Biggest Loser and started it this week. Using the Wii board it was able to weigh me and gosh did that make me angry. I was horrified that the scale said I was 250lbs, HORRIFIED. I currently have 3 pairs of jeans that fit me and 2 pairs of dress pants. I am not comfortable with how I look with or without clothes on. I figure if I start putting things down this may be a more motivating way to be on track and not slack. I plan to journal on my daily activities, my food intake, ups and downs that I come across and anything else I need to vent about.
Current weight: 250lbs
Current measurements
chest:
hips
abdominal area:
Here is to the beginning of a new chapter in my life and the success in the battle I continue to fight.
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